Can’t Adult Today Quesadilla Recipe

Look, I’ve been there. It’s 2 AM, you’re staring into the void of your fridge, and the thought of cooking feels like climbing Everest in flip-flops. That’s how this quesadilla was born.

If you’ve ever considered a handful of shredded cheese a “snack” or debated whether ketchup counts as a vegetable, this recipe is for you.

I once made this with a tortilla that was so stale it could’ve been used as a frisbee. It still tasted like victory.

Ingredients

• 1 whole-grain flour tortilla (the one that’s been sitting on your counter for a week)
• ½ cup freshly grated cheddar cheese (or whatever cheese-like substance you have)
• ¼ cup cooked black beans or pinto beans, rinsed and drained (canned is fine, we’re not judging)
• 1 tablespoon chopped red bell pepper (or jarred roasted bell pepper, or a few sad cherry tomatoes)
• 1 tablespoon chopped red onion (or green onion if that’s all you’ve got)
• 1 tablespoon chopped pickled jalapeño (for when you hate yourself)
• 1 teaspoon oil (whatever’s closest to you)
• Toppings: Salsa, guac, sour cream, hot sauce (go wild)

Instructions

1. Heat a skillet over medium. If your stove only has two settings (off and surface-of-the-sun), aim for somewhere in between.
2. Toss your tortilla in for about 30 seconds, flip it, then sprinkle half with cheese.
3. Dump your beans and veggies on the cheese. More cheese on top. It’s not health food, embrace it.
4. Fold the tortilla over. If it breaks, congratulations, you’re making nachos now.
5. Brush the top with oil. Flip it carefully. If it falls apart, see step 4.
6. Cook until it’s golden and crispy, about 1-2 minutes. If it starts smoking, you’ve gone too far.
7. Flip again, cook the other side. It’s done when the cheese is melty and you can’t wait anymore.
8. Let it cool for a minute unless you enjoy burning the roof of your mouth.
9. Cut into pieces if you’re feeling fancy. Eat it over the sink if you’re not.

Substitutions

• No tortilla? Use bread. Or crackers. Or just melt cheese in a pan and eat it with a fork.
• Cheese is non-negotiable. But any kind works.
• Beans can be swapped for leftover meat, tofu, or more cheese.
• No fresh veggies? Use canned, frozen, or just skip them. I won’t tell.

Serving Ideas

Eat it straight off the cutting board while standing in your kitchen. Or, if you’re feeling civilized:

• Throw some bagged salad on the side. Instant balanced meal.
• Dip it in whatever condiments you can find. Mustard works in emergencies.
• Leftovers? Ha! Good one. But if they exist, reheat in a pan or eat cold while hiding in your closet from responsibilities.